x
dont read this, seriously
...
i feel like i'm losing control of
everything
...
james doesn't tell me anything anymore, just that he's
'busy'
and can't see me, assuming i know he's at oliver's because
really,
why wouldn't he be?
not that i'd ever understand that
not that i'm any better
i don't tell him anything
...
i can't stand to be in the same room as nicola
and her insecurities
and pointless sarcasm
and childish fits
and unsubstantiated insults
and the ultimately depressing fact that i tried
so fucking hard
to like her
for dan
and to defend her
against tamsin
...
i can't say
no
to sex
it is a problem
i have a problem
...
i've stopped making important any decisions about my life,
regarding:
sorting out my overdraft
getting a better job
doing any kind of art
going back to uni
going to the doctors
because really, what's the point?
...
i re-read some old diary entries and don't remember
a
single
fucking
thing
about what was so
fucking
important
to me, that i had to write about it
...
i have no control over my
eating/drinking/sleeping
habits
the latter being the only one i don't do enough
...
i barely know what fucking day it is
...
i want to start again
...
i need this to stop
